leaving the past behind.....

..one thing i do: forgetting what is behind and

straining toward what is ahead, i press on

toward the goal to win the prize for which God

has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

phil 3:13b-14

this morning i went to a prayer service at church.....i have grown to love praying every morning with this group of people....waking up and getting ready for my day in the presence of God has been amazing.....truly.....

but this morning was especially wonderful for me.....

you see i have been struggling for months...wrestling not only with my flesh, but with God

a few months a go he spoke very clearly to me....and what he spoke into my heart scared me a little but offered a real peace as well...God spoke very specifically about my life....my future and what it would look like and who would be included in that......at first i was ok with it....i was excited!! it was a beautiful picture of my life.....

but as time ticked away i began to grow anxious about so many things....

why was my future not coming now? why was God holding out on me? (a familiar feeling/ struggle)

this joined with no sleep last night as i was wrestling with so much of my flesh.....i was ripe for a bold encounter with my God.

so back to this morning....as i walk into the room, Pastor Layne began to read this passage.....a sweet passage that i haven't read in a while as it was read at my grandmothers funeral a few years ago.....

but this morning i saw something different......and it spoke right to my heart.....

forgetting what is behind...Layne focused on forgetting what God had spoken.....(or shall i say that is what God opened up in me)......he challenged us to think differently& pray differently..

this is something i had been trying to do....

this was something that loving people had opened my heart toward, but i had been very resistant to it....it meant loosing something...actually loosing control (most of us have that issue)

but more then that....

instead of letting God continue to work in me and move in my heart afresh...i was eating last months feast!!!!

i was settling for living in what HAD happened and not looking to live in what WAS happening....

when i realized that this morning....everything changed!

i was missing out on so much by clinging to a moment with my God that happened months ago. i know there will be times when we have to cling to what God has spoken as it will be all that we have.....

but right now..for me....if God is calling me deeper into his love...then i do not need to stand here....i need to run toward his heart!!! run after all that God is!!!!

Lord I cannot wait for you to move!! I cannot wait to see where you are going to take me......