thoughts from a troubled head......

i am starting to loose it.....
literally....
the hair is starting to come out.....slowly right now...but should gain intensity in the next few days......
i thought i was ready....atleast that I what I told myself....."its not a big deal"..."its only hair".....
but as i found out...i am not as ok as i thought......
tears have fallen......my heart has struggled.....

but this morning in our company bible study (i love that i can say that by the way)
we talked about Job. a man who lost everything (eventually) and still found it in himself to praise the God of the Universe.
Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. then he shaved his head and
fell to the ground to worship. he said......"i came naked from my
mother's womb, and i will be naked when i leave. the Lord gave
me what i had, and the lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!"
in all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.
Job 1:20-22

Job was a man of faith and endurance. this man lost everything.......and then faced major trials after that. in bible study the questions was posed "how was it that Job had this faith? how was it that he could do this"

that is a question that I have not only asked myself but been asked by those around me. everything in my life was rattled in a month's time....with the most shocking drama happening in less than 72 hours.....
yet the whole time i have longed for people to see God get the glory. I pray that everything that I am facing will brinig attention to the man that forever changed my life over 15 years ago.

someone in the meeting then compared me to Job......and this made me cry. Satan did not pick out Job....God picked Job and allowed him to be tested and tried because God knew how he would respond.
the psat few years i have struggled with my purfication process......i have struggled with all the changes that I have faced in life and trying to see the BIG picture....what good was it all for? what was happening in me? where was this going to lead? did i really need to face this all??

while there are still things that I have gone though that I do not understand.......i can see God's mighty loving hand leading me toward HIS gloruios REWARD!!!!

i amnow looking forward to being a baldy!!! I am looking forward to embracing this part of me and walking in faith that HE WILL BE GLORIFED!!!