rachel....leah.....and me?

For the last few years God has been taking me through some really rough patches so that I can become the woman that I need to be right? When you are in the midst of the grim and blah of life, it is hard to see the Glory that will come from the tears and pain. For every one, the tears and pains are different, but they are real. Lately, the pain has become a more localized. It has been focused on one area of my life. This area has honestly caused me pain for a long time, but recently has become a joyous pain! Let me explain....using a story from Scripture (where else?)Jacob, the one known as the deceiver, was a master at making his way known. He used what ever he could to get what he wanted out of life. After his mother dies, he journeys toward a new life. He stumbles upon his mother's brother, Laban, and his sheep. Upon arrival he feel in love! Before his eyes lay his dream! A woman who will fix everything!! So, he commits to work for 7 years to marry Rachel. Upon completion of his contract, the wedding festivities start! Here is where the real drama starts. Leah....oh how I identify with her. A sister, a daughter, a friend that has never quite been enough. Scripture says that she has weak eyes. Whatever the writer actually intended for us to see, to me it means she simply was not enough. Her Lord tells her, like He tells us, that she is enough. But from every angle of her life she is being told that she is not enough. Her husband constantly wants another woman. If on the off chance he comes to her, he is thinking of her more beautiful and more desirable sister. The only that she has over "Miss Perfect" is that her womb is open! Leah's only connection to the man that was forced to marry her was his children. The journey that Leah takes during this process is where I will focus that rest of my attention. When Leah discovers that she is the only one that can bear children for Jacob, she gets it stuck in her mind that this will fix all of her problems. This will make this man want her over her sister and in a sense give her power. The first son, Reuben, was intended in Rachel's heart to make her husband come to her (his name means "the Lord has looked upon my affliction: for now my husband will love me" Gen 29:32). She bore this son with the distinct purpose of her husbands attention. The second son, Simeon, brought Leah to a place of feeling desperate and hated (Gen 29:33). The third son, Levi, was a plea for help and acceptance (Gen 29:34). Leah's third pregnancy was one that brought forth a cry from deep within. The forth and final son, Judah, brought forth a different reaction all together...Peace (Gen 29:35). My journey from agony and loneliness is not that different from that of Leah. I have always felt as though I was not enough (more maybe too much at times). I never felt as if I matter to anyone, and sadly, this sometimes translated into my relationship with God. I know that I am not alone in this struggle or insecurity. When Leah was given to Jacob on her wedding day, there had to be something inside of her that longed not to be there. But maybe she hoped that once they got married that things would be different. Maybe she began the journey of justification that we all go through. We excuse things. We allow things to happen to us that are not right. We refuse to stand up for the things that we want because we feel as if we do not matter. This is the way that I see Leah. She was never wanted or desired by anyone. She wasn't the life of the party. She was plain. Then her dad comes in and says that she is to get married. It will be here that is beautiful and praised for a day! It will be here that gets the "love" of a man. She probably got caught up in the excitement of it all and did not realize the gravity of the situation. But reality quickly set in as the sun rose. Jacob, being to excited and possibly a little tipsy for the party, did not realize what had taken place. He quickly let his displeasure be known. He pitched a fit and demanded Rachel to be his bride. Laban, his father-in-law, told him to finish out the week with Leah and then he could have Rachel. So, Leah was on her honeymoon and realized that her new husband did not desire her, but her sister. Every time she was with him, he was longing to be with someone else. The one person that she has always felt inferior to. Probably the one person that she probably longed to be.
I have that person. I have the one that I have always longed to be. I have justified situations and pushed for things that are not right, only to find that I am wrong and unhappy. Wishing and hoping. Longing and desiring for things that I cannot have.
But the great thing about all of this.......GRACE!!
The journey that Leah went on from start to where we are in the story is huge. She went from a place of desperation to a place of longing for God. She realized that life is not about the pain. Life is not about the disappointment. Life is not about abandonment. Life is about God! It's about his presence in you life and about realizing that through it all His name shall be Praised!!!
So..where does Jesus come in? Jesus is known as the Lion of the Tribe of Judah! Not Levi or Simeon, or Reuben. Jesus came from the woman who was unwanted and ugly. He came from the place where Leah realized the importance of God's love in major way!
What can come from your ugliness? What can come from brokenness? What can come from being unwanted?
The greatest things ever!!!!!!
Jesus not only came form this, He experienced the very same things!!!! How much closer to the heart of God can you get?