the day after

i am sitting at my desk at work, 24 hours after my first treatment. i am feeling a little tired and dizzy, but nothing that i was not really expecting.
i got to spend the afternoon with my mom yesterday and that was fun...i am really starting to fall in love with mom as a friend verses just my mom......i wished i had had the chance to discover this years ago...but i will take this right now and live in this moment as long as i can.....

i had an amazing God moment yesterday as I was starting chemo. my iv was going and i was sitting in my chair.....ipod and some worship music in my ears.....reading a letter from a new friend. she was giving me words of love and encouragement from God as i was embracing what was happening......in a sweet moment of surrender, i experienced God like i never have. His love was so real to me in that moment. i knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was all over this experience and that he was loving me......and that he was protecting me in ways that i could not see......
it is amazing how our view of God changes over time. as we grow up He is this strong and mighty God....as the toils of life come, he becomes smaller and less needed......and at some points simply dis guarded........then some thing starts to change inside and we have a longing to see Him for who He is....but we can't seem to get there.....then we are forces to face the reality of God because we have no choice but to do so........

yesterday i talked to one of my best friends...she told me that she was mad at God and had absolutely no desire to fix it.....this broke my heart for many reasons....but mostly because i cannot imagine my life without this great big VICTORIOUS God.....i pray that she will listen to HIS still small voice....He is a mighty God.......

something else that I have noticed about life.......when God is the center.....there is less stress and things just seem to happen naturally......